My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
