boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
