oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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