just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
