I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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