And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
