i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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