my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
