Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
