Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
