Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
