what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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