are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
