So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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