In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
