Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
