dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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