If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
