I just threw up on my dentist
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
