Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
