Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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