Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
