How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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