idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
