what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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