Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
