Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
