my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost the right to judge tonight
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
