dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
