well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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