Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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