Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
