Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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