I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
