Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
