Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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