I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
