remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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