i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
