Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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