Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
