This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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