I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
