Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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