AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
