And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
