okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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