He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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