i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
