theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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