just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got her a Nickelback box set.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize