I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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