my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
