Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
