feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
