he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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