never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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