i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
