i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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