how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
