check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
