I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
