so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
