I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
