I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your cock deserves a montage
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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