He is an equal opportunity slut.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
