So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
