Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
