I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
