ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
